That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
