i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Your dad touched me again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
