I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
