its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
