This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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