I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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