we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
