my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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