i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
