i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
