SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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