I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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