So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
where are you?
Hypothermia
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
