i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
