If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
