Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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