So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm at about main and main street
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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