I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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