glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
