Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
