is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
