i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
