on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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