Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
50% drunk capacity currently
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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