They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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