Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
