Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
