Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
