sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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