I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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