So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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