Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
