turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
