He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
