You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
