Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I need moral support for this bender
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
