Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
