No stitches, just platelets and will power
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
