remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
