shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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