dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
