I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
smell my finger.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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