My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
