What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
