Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
