Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
