He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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