Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I touched a dick in church today
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
