I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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