Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
