in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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