I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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