Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
