Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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